he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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