so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
