so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
