You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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