I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
