last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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