Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
