my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
