As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
