Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
