She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
