I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
