He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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