Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
