just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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