There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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