This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
