Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
