Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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