The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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