i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
