I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
