She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
