Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
