your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
