using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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