the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
