I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
