He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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