i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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