YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need a beard to bite.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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