i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
