I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We are two peas in an std pod
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
