i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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