well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
