you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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