im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
