I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
