God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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