so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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