come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
