I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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