I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
