i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
