Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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