dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
