I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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