tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
PS: I just woke up from my shower
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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