I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
