i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was like eating out sand paper
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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