I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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