She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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