having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
