Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize