I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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