Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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