Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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