i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
