My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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