i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
