I cockslap morals
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it because I queefed?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
