Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
