Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I supernannyed him into submission
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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