Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
