there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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