yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
