I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
