i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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