Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
