Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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