I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have aggressive nipples.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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