Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
